A Little Thought for the Day.
This is going to sound really undercutting, and it’s going to be really pointed. If you think this is about you, please talk to me.
I have a number of “friends” who say they care the world for me, and sometimes prove that fact by being really supportive of some of my work. Sometimes it’s also those friends who really want me to open up to them about all of my issues/problems. But it’s also those friends who I find are so irresponsible and unreliable with my feelings and with what I’m actually trying to get across. Me, being extremely independent, don’t try to have a lot of friends. I was a loser growing up and thus got really independent. In high-school I changed my image and got extremely popular, soon realizing popularity was really empty, and later started getting extremely depressed. Now, I know you’re going to say, “John, you want to get ‘famous’, how could you say you don’t care about popularity?” There’s a difference. At least when I’m trying to get “famous” I know where my “fans” stand. There is a difference between the support you get from a “fan” and the support you get from a “friend”. “Fans” support you for your art, they are always carrying your work to the next level. Giving you little tidbits on how you can improve yourself as an artist, or as a performer. They don’t necessarily impact your day to day life. Now, I truly care about people who comment on my youtube videos, or leave me sweet messages on facebook or twitter, but I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to one of them about my problems. That’s not what they are there for. That is the role of a “friend”. (PS. this isn’t to say someone can’t go from a ‘fan’ to a ‘friend’) I guess it’s sort of like working with someone. I try my best not to work with friends. It get extremely messy, and people don’t know where the borders are. As a director, I’m very straight forward and I will tell you when you suck and when you’re improving/doing awesome. If you get offended by what I say and respond with, “but I thought we were friends,” I will never work with you again. There are specific roles a “fan” plays, a specific role a “coworker” plays, and specific roles a “friend” plays. Being a member of BlogTV has been a great teacher to me. A lot of people on BlogTV befriend each other quickly, sometimes too quickly for my liking, because I can’t tell where a person is going to land. I can’t tell if someone is actually going to be a good friend, or if they’re going to just talk to you for the time being for mere entertainment purposes. This is something I deal with a lot. I’ve already talked about the fact that I am okay with friendships ending and people moving on with their lives. I have also talked about the fact that I don’t like insincere people coming back into my life with, OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOU! I MISS YOU SO MUCH! When they haven’t spoken a word to me in my life, or don’t even give me the time of day to talk about how I actually am. If you’ve talked to me, I don’t tell you “I’m doing okay” unless I’m actually doing okay. I’ll never say: I’M GREAT while I’m actually really sad. I’ll tell you how I am and if I don’t want to talk about it… I’ll say that! That being said: If I say, I’m doing really crappy and I get the response of, same my life is *insert conversation about them here with no question as to why you are sad* this is a really one sided friendship. I can’t tell you the amounts of times people have come to me about their problems, after I try helping them out the conversations legitimately falls dead. There have even been a terrible amount of times people have BLATANTLY ignored the fact that I said I wasn’t okay and fall silent. Dude, how are you a friend who wants to support me? I don’t get it. I REALLY DON’T. The saddest part is, the person(s) who this is about are probably going to ignore this, just like the last time I wrote a huge long essay about how I felt. A while ago I wrote a huge piece about how my year has been, and the person who ALWAYS tells me to open up to them ignored it. (Keep in mind I have tried opening up to this person and it has failed for a number of reasons). I made sure to be extremely open about topics that they were “interested” in and made sure to go in depth with those topics so they could actually know what went down, because I was ready to talk about it. The funniest is this person asked about some of the things that were covered in the long essay the next day. Best part is, they liked the post that I had posted immediately before it, and immediately after it, thus proving the fact that they had skipped my post. If you’re not actually interested in my spew, don’t pretend to be. Figure out where your border lies are, and stick with them please. If you don’t know where you lie, let’s talk about it! I’m more than happy to get that sorted out with you. I’m all for different types of friendships too. I’m more than happy to have one sided friendships where all I do is listen to you talk about your problems. That’s actually super cool with me, as long as you know that’s what it is. I’m also cool with friendship where all we do is go to the club with each other and never talk to each other unless we’re there. That’s cool too. Friends have different purposes and I get it, I just wish people would quit pretending they didn’t know what kind of friendship they have with another person. God damn.
I think I’m going to leave it at that though. Moral of this post:If you’re going to be someone’s friend, know what kind of friend they are to you. Don’t pretend that you want to go into a different territory that you don’t want to go into. That’s like leading someone on. It’s no different..
What are your thoughts?
Here’s my thoughts for the night.