Let me just be really straight forward and honest with you, internet. These past few days haven’t really been the best for me, which is why I haven’t posted an instagram photo. I haven’t left the house, and I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what it is I want with my life. It’s been really weird being jobless, and it’s even harder knowing that I won’t be returning back to school next year, especially because I’ve been having so many people shove it down my throat that I need to do something with my life. Let’s just get this straight, I realize all of this. I realize the fact that I may seem like a lazy asshole for not being able to do anything, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been trying. On a side note: I haven’t slept more than 2 hours for the past 3 days because I am really #anxious about things working out. I have spent the past 5 years trying to establish myself as an #artist in #Toronto. At the same time as establishing myself, I have been doing the searching of “who I am” and the whole growing up process. While I am very happy with who I have become, I know that there are a lot of things I need to change about myself, or at least things I need to develop in myself. So, sometimes I may come off as standoffish, or as uncaring, and people have really been making it clear to me about how much of a “big jerk” I really am. That’s cool, I get it, I may not be all you want me to be right now, but sooner or later maybe it will make sense. Although I haven’t been getting nearly enough sleep, I have been working on my #music a lot. I have come up with cool concepts for songs that I want to try out, and songs I want to write, but I have felt very #unmotivated to do anything to it’s full extent. I’m very grateful for the support I have in people, but these past few days have been very big “give up” days. For those of you who have talked to me specifically about this topic, thank you. You do mean the world to me, especially in times like this. I tend to shut out the closest people to me when things get tough, because I like fending for myself. I have been relying on myself for so long that I don’t realize how much I can lay on other people for help. A huge thanks to @rachaface, for listen to me all last night, until the wee hours of morning. It’s great to know I have a fellow #musician to listen to the stupid complications of my life. One that I can bicker around with, like old Jewish sisters. I especially thank you for listening to me talk about the same problem that I’ve been having these past few months, especially because it’s probably really boring by now. Same old, same old girl! But really, thank you. In conclusion of all of this, I’m pulling out of this stupid hole that I’ve dug, and I hope you all can stick through with me until I figure things out. If you can’t, then thank you for staying with me for this long. Yours, John.

The inspiration for a lot of my music. Today has been a very Amy Winehouse day. 

Champion.