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When I was a kid I was often told to never put a rotten apple in a basket of good apples because the good apples would rot. I always told my teachers that wasn’t true, because the good apples may have an impact on the rotten apples and make them good again. Obviously, we are talking…
The man who hasn’t forgotten it all.
I haven’t been very close to my family growing up, but now that I’m older we tend to gather the whole family at least once a month. Today was a lunch that changed a lot of my perspective on the world. My uncle as most of my friends know has Alzheimer’s. Last year we lost him after he was released from the hospital and he spent hours on the street trying to find home, but he obviously couldn’t find it because he didn’t remember how to get home. We’ve been having a lot of issues with finding out how to deal with the disease, especially because my family chooses to ignore situations instead of learn how to make them better. Over the year my uncle has gotten progressively worse and can’t remember things you tell him within 5 minutes. You can ask him to grab the garbage can from outside, and half way through his venture to grab it he will forget why he is outside and come back inside to ask why you left him outside. This has left my aunt very depressed and overly stressed. I don’t blame her, to see your loved one lose all of his memory must suck, especially because you never know what he still remembers. Both my grandparents lost their lives to Alzheimer’s, which makes me sad to have another family member become a victim of this specific disease.
Today my uncle did his continuous cute routine, but today he took a special interest in me. He sat next to me at lunch today and started drawing for me. He then went on to teach me how to draw. My uncle has always loved art, he’s the man who taught me how to design cakes actually. To be honest, I had forgotten that it was him who taught me how to pipe. The coolest thing about him showing me how he drew was the fact that he started telling me stories of his childhood when he was at school. He told me about how all the kids wanted to learn from him, but not only learn from him, they used to ask him to draw for them. He’d start telling me how his teachers were always happy with his art, and would always get him to draw trees. So, he drew me a tree. Along the way he taught me how trees grow, and how they develop rings, and how fruits grow. He told me how dead fruits would fall and would fertilize the soil, then he went on to explain that roots balance the trees and if the trees don’t grow down they would fall over. When he was done explaining everything he would look at me and laugh and smile. He’d repeat this explanation over and over, but each time he’d dig into a different memory of his past. He’d tell me about a different friend he had, or a different teacher. I couldn’t help but smile and listen, especially because I thought he forgot so much about his past. I actually wonder if he remembers these memories strictly because they have to do with art. My uncle is obviously artistically inclined, being a cake technician for most of his life and obviously being able to draw with crayons from Montanas, so maybe when he draws he remembers things from his past that are connected.
Either way, it was just so interesting that he remembered all of this today and when you ask him questions about his past normally he doesn’t know how to answer. He won’t even tell you what he did yesterday. Anyone else have any instances like this before?
Not having heat, electricity or warm food these past 2 days has really made me re-think all of those homeless people I used to volunteer for in the shelters. While I’m still complaining my house doesn’t have electricity, they live this every year, 7 days a week. Yeah; I’m hoping we get electricity soon, but I’m hoping we find a way to keep people off the streets full year round.
Today has been quite a filling day. I ended up getting quite a bit of work done. Well, a lot of work and a lot of playing in. I ended up waking up at 8AM this morning and wrote a new song for one of my friend’s short films. After writing the demo version I ended up passing out at around 10AM, gotta love that medication. After waking up around 3PM I downloaded the PixelMon Mod for Minecraft. (For those of you who play minecraft and love pokémon, I totally suggest downloading the mod.) After that I finished creating the final demo of “Condensation”. Currently I’m waiting for her to accept the file and listen to it, but either way I am happy with what I came up with. I’ve been changing up my style of music for a while now and I am happy with what it’s becoming. It’s become very flourishy, and heartfelt instead of metric and mechanical. So I’m glad to see this change.
Anyways, I think I’m going to take a break for the rest of the night. Maybe practice a bit more for tomorrow’s rehearsal. I’m just so ready for this week to be over already, although I’m glad it’s going by pretty slow. Don’t want my whole future to disappear.
A Little Thought for the Day.
This is going to sound really undercutting, and it’s going to be really pointed. If you think this is about you, please talk to me.
I have a number of “friends” who say they care the world for me, and sometimes prove that fact by being really supportive of some of my work. Sometimes it’s also those friends who really want me to open up to them about all of my issues/problems. But it’s also those friends who I find are so irresponsible and unreliable with my feelings and with what I’m actually trying to get across. Me, being extremely independent, don’t try to have a lot of friends. I was a loser growing up and thus got really independent. In high-school I changed my image and got extremely popular, soon realizing popularity was really empty, and later started getting extremely depressed. Now, I know you’re going to say, “John, you want to get ‘famous’, how could you say you don’t care about popularity?” There’s a difference. At least when I’m trying to get “famous” I know where my “fans” stand. There is a difference between the support you get from a “fan” and the support you get from a “friend”. “Fans” support you for your art, they are always carrying your work to the next level. Giving you little tidbits on how you can improve yourself as an artist, or as a performer. They don’t necessarily impact your day to day life. Now, I truly care about people who comment on my youtube videos, or leave me sweet messages on facebook or twitter, but I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to one of them about my problems. That’s not what they are there for. That is the role of a “friend”. (PS. this isn’t to say someone can’t go from a ‘fan’ to a ‘friend’) I guess it’s sort of like working with someone. I try my best not to work with friends. It get extremely messy, and people don’t know where the borders are. As a director, I’m very straight forward and I will tell you when you suck and when you’re improving/doing awesome. If you get offended by what I say and respond with, “but I thought we were friends,” I will never work with you again. There are specific roles a “fan” plays, a specific role a “coworker” plays, and specific roles a “friend” plays. Being a member of BlogTV has been a great teacher to me. A lot of people on BlogTV befriend each other quickly, sometimes too quickly for my liking, because I can’t tell where a person is going to land. I can’t tell if someone is actually going to be a good friend, or if they’re going to just talk to you for the time being for mere entertainment purposes. This is something I deal with a lot. I’ve already talked about the fact that I am okay with friendships ending and people moving on with their lives. I have also talked about the fact that I don’t like insincere people coming back into my life with, OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOU! I MISS YOU SO MUCH! When they haven’t spoken a word to me in my life, or don’t even give me the time of day to talk about how I actually am. If you’ve talked to me, I don’t tell you “I’m doing okay” unless I’m actually doing okay. I’ll never say: I’M GREAT while I’m actually really sad. I’ll tell you how I am and if I don’t want to talk about it… I’ll say that! That being said: If I say, I’m doing really crappy and I get the response of, same my life is *insert conversation about them here with no question as to why you are sad* this is a really one sided friendship. I can’t tell you the amounts of times people have come to me about their problems, after I try helping them out the conversations legitimately falls dead. There have even been a terrible amount of times people have BLATANTLY ignored the fact that I said I wasn’t okay and fall silent. Dude, how are you a friend who wants to support me? I don’t get it. I REALLY DON’T. The saddest part is, the person(s) who this is about are probably going to ignore this, just like the last time I wrote a huge long essay about how I felt. A while ago I wrote a huge piece about how my year has been, and the person who ALWAYS tells me to open up to them ignored it. (Keep in mind I have tried opening up to this person and it has failed for a number of reasons). I made sure to be extremely open about topics that they were “interested” in and made sure to go in depth with those topics so they could actually know what went down, because I was ready to talk about it. The funniest is this person asked about some of the things that were covered in the long essay the next day. Best part is, they liked the post that I had posted immediately before it, and immediately after it, thus proving the fact that they had skipped my post. If you’re not actually interested in my spew, don’t pretend to be. Figure out where your border lies are, and stick with them please. If you don’t know where you lie, let’s talk about it! I’m more than happy to get that sorted out with you. I’m all for different types of friendships too. I’m more than happy to have one sided friendships where all I do is listen to you talk about your problems. That’s actually super cool with me, as long as you know that’s what it is. I’m also cool with friendship where all we do is go to the club with each other and never talk to each other unless we’re there. That’s cool too. Friends have different purposes and I get it, I just wish people would quit pretending they didn’t know what kind of friendship they have with another person. God damn.
I think I’m going to leave it at that though. Moral of this post:If you’re going to be someone’s friend, know what kind of friend they are to you. Don’t pretend that you want to go into a different territory that you don’t want to go into. That’s like leading someone on. It’s no different..
What are your thoughts?
Here’s my thoughts for the night.