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John Salib
March 5th
1:18 AM
Via
rachaface:

how cute is my friend and his boyfriend? :) 

I just saw this again and died of laughter.

rachaface:

how cute is my friend and his boyfriend? :) 

I just saw this again and died of laughter.

February 7th
5:29 PM

I have no best friends.

  • Me: Well best friends to me...
  • Rachie: Well yeah you and me! I mean we actually talk.
  • Me: Woop... I didn't call you my best friend. Well that was really awkward.
  • Rachie: *laughs hysterically* Awkward.
July 14th
11:46 AM

A week with Evan

February 24th
12:12 PM

Cunt

  • Me: The girl still never answered.
  • Charlene: What a cunt
  • Me: No, what a fucking more than a cunt. What a fucking Ass Munch.
January 22nd
12:40 AM
Via
itschazzabitches:

He’s all fancy and shit :)

I’m also an asshole.

itschazzabitches:

He’s all fancy and shit :)

I’m also an asshole.

October 17th
2:01 AM

I'm sexy and I know it.

  • Me: I have so much power in my hand.
  • Charlene: You love your phone don't you.
  • Me: It's called my cock.
1:00 AM

We all need a little racism.

  • Me: I have something to tell your family.
  • Charlene: What?
  • Me: Allahu Akbar!!!
  • Charlene: They're gunna come after you with a cross!
  • Me: No... they're gunna come after me with a swastika... cause I'm Jewish.
12:51 AM

Stupid slut.

  • Me: I have something to tell you...
  • *skype hangs up*
12:35 AM

I'm Dry.

  • Me: Someone just asked me if I was Jewish because my last name is Salib. Do I look like a Jew? Wait... Don't answer that.
  • Charlene: You call this dinner?
  • Me: Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha‑olam... I don't know why I know that.
  • Charlene: Were you hired to sing at a bar mitzvah
  • Me: You know what's funny....
  • *seconds pass*
  • Me: no.
July 27th
4:20 AM