June 29th
1:37 AM
1:37 AM
How I feel about Evan.
February 24th
12:12 PM
12:12 PM
Cunt
- Me: The girl still never answered.
- Charlene: What a cunt
- Me: No, what a fucking more than a cunt. What a fucking Ass Munch.
February 2nd
1:17 AM
1:17 AM
Remember those days I was famous on Dailybooth?
Let’s make it happen again.
January 5th
10:00 AM
10:00 AM
My mum hurts
- Me: Mom you're not going to defend me?
- Mom: What?
- Me: She said that you think I'm a slut.
- Mom: Sometimes.
December 29th
12:15 AM
12:15 AM
I’m a whore…
October 17th
2:01 AM
2:01 AM
I'm sexy and I know it.
- Me: I have so much power in my hand.
- Charlene: You love your phone don't you.
- Me: It's called my cock.
12:35 AM
I'm Dry.
- Me: Someone just asked me if I was Jewish because my last name is Salib. Do I look like a Jew? Wait... Don't answer that.
- Charlene: You call this dinner?
- Me: Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha‑olam... I don't know why I know that.
- Charlene: Were you hired to sing at a bar mitzvah
- Me: You know what's funny....
- *seconds pass*
- Me: no.
October 16th
10:53 PM
10:53 PM
The awkward moment you realize you would be the perfect candidate for prostitution.
August 25th
7:57 AM
7:57 AM
Apparently no one thinks I’m a virgin.
August 22nd
4:01 PM
4:01 PM
It’s true. I did.
